I was listening to a podcast last week that has been reverberating in my mind ever since. The speaker used the story of Rachel and Leah (Genesis 29-30) to discuss the problem of idolatry – worshipping the created instead of the Creator.
Rachel wanted children more than anything, so she prayed and cried and complained and manipulated to try and get what she wanted. Leah wanted the love of her husband more than anything, so she prayed and cried and complained and manipulated to try and get what she wanted. Rachel, meanwhile, had the love of her husband and Leah had children.
But…
And there is it. The worst word.
Sure, I’ve got a husband who loves me, but what I really want is a child. Sure, I have children, but what I really want is a husband who loves me.
Rachel had what Leah wanted and Leah had what Rachel wanted. Neither woman saw all that she had because she was too focused on all that she was missing.
This isn’t a “toxic positivity” post. Leah and Rachel both had legitimate heartaches that they had to deal with. It really is terrible to be unloved by your husband. It’s devastating to want a child and not be able to have one. Minimizing our pain isn’t an effective means of dealing with it. But neither is letting our disappointments be all we can see.
I spent many years longing for stability: We’ve moved a lot. And every move was difficult – saying goodbye, starting over, packing and unpacking, watching my kids struggle with new places and new people – none of that is enjoyable. And so I became fixated on just staying in one place. I was jealous of people who were living in the same town where they’d grown up, whose parents were down the street, whose best friend from Kindergarten was now their next door neighbor. I’d pray and cry and complain and manipulate to try and get my way.
And I was miserable.
I also missed out on seeing the many blessings God had given me. Like Rachel and Leah, all I saw was what I didn’t have. Stability was my idol, and I worshipped it.
When I finally released that idol – when I confessed the sin and repented and asked God to help me place my focus where it needed to be – I felt a physical and a spiritual freedom. I could see so much more! I could see the blessings around me, the good that God had brought from the difficulties: a strong marriage, amazing kids, an understanding of a variety of cultures, friends on every corner of the globe.
When I ended the sentence with the blessings (I have a terrific family.) instead of finishing it with a “but…” (but I wish we could just stay in one place!), my perspective changed. And please note: My circumstances didn’t change. But I am at peace with it because my god isn’t stability. My God is the Creator of the universe. He loves me, He’s in control, and He is good.
No “but’s” about it!
“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Mt. 6:33
