MY BLOG POSTS

Go to any bookstore – online or in person – and you will find rows and rows…and rows and rows… of shelves housing books devoted to “self-esteem.” Most seem to focus on loving yourself, forgiving yourself, being good to yourself. Because we just don’t think enough of ourselves.

Riiiight.

Here’s what I think: our problems with self-esteem aren’t that we don’t think enough of ourselves. Our problem is that we think of ourselves WAY too much.

At least I do, anyway. I don’t think a day goes by when I don’t think about myself, my needs, my wants. When I don’t feel frustrated that I am not being treated well enough. I look at people and wonder what they are thinking about me – do they like me? Are they talking about me to their friends? Are those conversations positive or negative? They better not be saying bad things because, believe me, I know some stuff about them…Yeah, um, you get the idea.

But plenty of days go by when I don’t think about others: the needs of others, the wants of others, whether or not I am treating others well enough. I am an expert on being self-centered. In fact, I could write a book about that! But being others-centered? I need some help there.

Good News!

I have help there: it’s called the Bible, and it is SO much better than any self-help book on any real or virtual bookstore on the planet. The Bible has a whole lot to say about how we should think about ourselves. The verse I need to be reminded of most often is this one:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,

not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” ~Phil. 2:3-4

The English teacher in me has to point out that those verses are imperatives – the “bossy” sentence. That’s Paul (lovingly) sticking his finger in our faces and saying, YOU – that’s right YOU – stop being so selfish! Worry more about others than you worry about yourself. The rest of the chapter (which I highly recommend reading) goes on to demonstrate how Jesus lived out this principle. He set the example for a selfless life, and we will experience great joy if we follow that example.

So if I really want to make ME happy, I should think about ME less.

Because my self has enough help.

We almost moved to Honduras this summer. And when I say “almost” I mean we were brushing up on our Spanish, looking up plane tickets, finding homes for rent, and emailing folks who lived down there so we could know as much about it as possible.

In my internet searching back in June, I found an English-speaking international Christian school in Tegucigalpa, Honduras, that was looking for a high school English/Drama teacher and a middle school Math teacher. I teach English/Drama at my Christian school in Tampa. And, though his love is teaching Bible to adult learners, Dave has taught middle school math, and he could easily do it again. The school just asks for a two-year commitment. Perfect! A chance for our family to minister overseas together, to experience life in another culture, to improve our Spanish…

As we looked into it, we found it made a lot of sense. Dave is finishing up his dissertation and teaching online for Liberty University – both of which can be done from anywhere – so those weren’t an issue. The school provides housing and a small stipend, and our kids could attend there, so we would have all our needs met. And we’ve lived in Central America (Costa Rica) before, so we have a basic understanding of some of the cultural differences there and a foundation in the language. The more I looked into it, the more perfect it seemed. Right place, right time, right jobs.

We sought counsel from people we respected – pastors, friends, family. All agreed it made sense. “No red flags,” as one pastor commented. No reason not to go.

Woop-Woo! Vamos a Honduras!

Except….Dave didn’t really want to go. I really wanted to go. Dave really wants to teach Bible to adult learners. The reason his teaching middle school Math is in the past tense is because, though he did it well, he did not enjoy it. And though he was willing to go to Honduras, he didn’t share my burning desire to relocate to that particular location. And, ultimately, he is the head of our family. As we prayed about this amazing possibility, we agreed that we should not move simply because it works for me. It has to work for us. 

Sigh.

I was disappointed. What was the point of all that? Why did God let me stumble across that website, anyway? To get excited about something he knew wouldn’t happen? That just seems mean. And so I ranted to God, questioning his wisdom, confused about his purpose.

Two months later, we got the call that my mother-in-law had Stage 4 cancer. A month and a half after that call, Dave was spending a week with her, caring for her while she was in Hospice. A week after that visit, she went home to be with the Lord. We were all able to go to NY for the funeral. Dave was able to stay with his dad for a week afterwards. He will go up again next month. Because he can – his work is entirely online and can be done from anywhere.

I sat in my in-laws’ living room the day before the funeral, looking through pictures of Judy’s life, surrounded by the family she loved so much, and realized we wouldn’t be there had we moved to Honduras. Dave wouldn’t have gotten those precious last days with his mom. Our kids wouldn’t have been able to attend the funeral and spend time as a family grieving with their cousins, aunts and uncles.

God knew all that. He knew what was coming. And so he made sure we stayed right where we were, surrounded by a church family that loves us and helps us, a school that embraced the kids and me as we walk through this loss. He made sure Dave didn’t have a job that tied him down to a specific location. While I was ranting at God for not letting me get what I want, he was lovingly working all things for our good.

I look back now, and I am grateful that God didn’t give me what I wanted. Even though I didn’t see it at the time. It reminds me to trust him more, to hold my plans with an open hand and not a tight fist. He truly knows what is best, even when I don’t see it. And, even in the hard times, I can trust that my Father always knows best.

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than sitting in garage makes you a car.” “I can worship God anywhere — church doesn’t have the corner on that market.” “There are too many hypocrites in church for me to want to go there.” “Sunday is the only day I get to really rest, and isn’t that what Sunday is supposed to be, a day of rest?”

I could go on. I’ve been in church work enough years that I have heard all the excuses. And, yet, I still believe firmly that going to church isn’t just a good thing, it is necessary.

Are churches perfect? No. Are there hypocrites, awful people, bad churches? Yes. There are bad restaurants, too, but we haven’t sworn off eating because of them!

In my almost-39 years, I have been to many different churches, different denominations, different sizes, in different cities, states and countries. In every one, God has taught me more about Him, He has put people in place that challenged me and helped me, encouraged me.

But that is only PART of what church is for — yes, we go to grow and learn and be part of a community. But when we stop at that, we miss out on the best part: service.

There are LOTS of different places to serve in the church. For me, my favorites are discipleship and worship arts. I love seeing people get excited about learning more about who they are in Christ, helping ignite a passion for God and His word. I love helping point others to Christ through music and drama.

Most people I encounter who hate church or make excuses for not attending are people who aren’t serving. They are so focused on what they aren’t getting that they miss out on what they should be giving. And every believer has something to give — you can love on babies, bring meals to people who are sick, help organize showers, make dolls for children in the hospital, serve meals to the homeless, fold church bulletins, run the games for VBS…

Church should be a place of comfort, encouragement, challenge, accountability. If you aren’t part of a good, Bible teaching church – find one! Get involved, use your gifts, grow.

^“Let us consider how to inspire each other to greater love and to righteous deeds, not forgetting to gather as a community, as some have forgotten, but encouraging each other, especially as the day of His return approaches.” ~Hebrews 10:24-25