I am ashamed to admit it, but even after 30 years of walking with the Lord, I still doubt sometimes. I still look at situations and feel like I need to – or can – fix them. And, yet, because God is incredibly patient and kind, He still , after 30 years, graciously reminds me that He is in control, and He loves us.
Here’s my most recent “Crisis”: My oldest daughter’s college choice. First, I need to tell you that I agonized ALL YEAR over the fact that Emma would be leaving home. I was stressed, my body was messed up, my emotions were all over the place. I was a wreck.
And then, when I finally worked through all that and was at peace with her leaving…everything fell apart. The financing we thought we had for her to attend college away from home fell through.
So then I was stressed because I felt badly for her – all her plans, all her friends…my poor girl!! Why can’t she leave home?
So we spent the summer trying to help her adjust to this new reality. (By “we”, I mean my husband) She cancelled her registration, room and board, and schedule for her out-of-state school, and registered for classes at the local community college.
I struggled with that, too, because Emma wants to be a Christian counselor. To best prepare for that career, Emma would most benefit from attending a Christian college. But the Lord didn’t seem to be allowing that.
And then, less than a month before school was to start, God started blowing open the doors for Emma to attend a Christian college in our area. She got scholarships, a Grant, and gained entrance into the school’s Honor program, where she can major in Psychology, taught from a Christian worldview. And she can live at home!
God, of course, knew all of this. He knew this last year when I was having my meltdowns over Emma leaving home. He knew it when I was stressed out all this summer over her not leaving home. He knew it when I chose to wallow in fear and worry instead of trusting in Him.
Now, as I look back over this incredibly unexpected turn of events, I realize I spent a miserable year, living in fear and worry and stress, when I didn’t need to. God had everything worked out for Emma’s good. He cares for her far more than I do, and He knows what is truly best for her.
I could have enjoyed last year more, I could have slept better this summer, I could have rested in the peace of knowing God is in control. But I didn’t.
Because God is a good Father, He isn’t done with me. He wants me to learn this lesson, to trust Him no matter what. So He has dropped another situation in my lap where I can either choose to fear or choose to trust. And I’ll be honest, my flesh wants to fear, to stress, to question…But the Spirit reminds me of who God is, what He has done. His Word reminds me that GOD IS IN CONTROL, and I don’t have to worry about tomorrow. God is at work. And He is good. I can – and should – place all my trust in Him.
The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe. ~Proverbs 29:25
