Communication. Of all the issues teen girls and their parents have, this, in my opinion, is the biggest. Why? Because when communication breaks down or disappears, everything else falls apart, as well. When we can’t talk about what’s going on, what concerns we have, what we should and shouldn’t do as mothers and daughters, then what?

As a mom of two teen girls, one of my greatest concerns is that my daughters won’t feel comfortable telling me what’s going on in their lives. I don’t expect to be my kids’ best friend. They have those, and those girls are awesome. I am the mom. But I do want to be a good mom, one who my girls can come to and share their fears, their joys, and their frustrations. In pursuit of that, over the years, I have surveyed dozens of moms who have raised daughters and whose relationships with those daughters are strong. Here are some tips I have learned from them:

Assume the best. Daughters, assume your mom loves you and wants to hear from you. Moms, assume your daughters want your encouragement and help.

Forgive past hurts. This is, by far, the biggest barrier to healthy relationships. Of course, our parents are going to hurt us. We are going to hurt our parents. We are sinful beings. If we refuse to have relationships with anyone who is imperfect, we will live a lonely life. So accept the imperfect person that is your mom or your daughter and lavish forgiveness on her. Think of all that we have been forgiven — by the Creator of the universe! There is great freedom in forgiveness, but bondage in unforgiveness.

Be honest. Tell your mom/daughter what you’re really thinking, what you’re struggling with. Life is complicated enough. Don’t make it more complicated by pretending you are something you’re not. There are people with whom you need to be guarded with your heart. But your mom/daughter isn’t one of them.

Make time for each other. I know about busy. Believe me! But we moms and daughters have to make time for each other. Often. Take a walk together, go to the grocery together. Sit on the couch together. Go out for dessert. Meaningful conversation doesn’t happen by accident. We have to be intentional about cultivating our relationships.

Now I want to hear from you. What are ways you have found to help your mother-daughter relationship flourish? What hindrances to that relationship have you seen in your own lives or others’? Do tell!